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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908745">a shaky start</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassleia/pseuds/cassleia'>cassleia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Getting Together, POV Alternating, Post-Rogue One, gratuitous romanticization of trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:15:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassleia/pseuds/cassleia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There is something building between them in these moments that neither one is ready to put words to, a budding trust, perhaps even hope<i>.</i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Cassian and Jyn have returned from Scarif with added strain. Having fully expected to die on that fateful mission, they must now navigate a world in which they're expected to <i>live<i>. More than that, they must now navigate the new feelings between them.</i></i></i>
  </i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a shaky start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasakuryo/gifts">dasakuryo</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassandor/gifts">cassandor</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are nights where Cassian can’t stay in one place. His body vibrates with the effort it takes to even stay in his own skin. He scrubs his hands raw, just as he wishes he could do to his mind. He imagines that if he just scrubbed hard enough the blood on his hands would run, dark and red down the drain. </p>
<p>The Rebellion is <i>everything<i>, but without a mission, his mind wanders. He walks until dawn. For years he walks alone. Even with others willing to stay, he needs this space. </i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>After Scarif, Jyn takes to walking with him. He would find her presence discomfiting, but she is as untethered as he is. There is something building between them in these moments that neither one is ready to put words to, a budding trust, perhaps even <i>hope<i>.</i></i></i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>They don’t speak often, these nights have become something sacred, illuminated by the green glow of the communications system.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>It is interesting, Jyn thinks, that this organization is so dependent on a highly specific set of circumstances. She thinks back to one of the first moments that made her question her positions. Hope. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Cassian’s words hit something she had tried to bury then, and now she turns them over in their silences. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Jyn had a lot to atone for, the realization had struck in that shuttle as the tension between her and Cassian had come to a head, differing ideologies clashing as he offered a glimpse into his past. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Through those first hours Cassian had given so much, and Jyn had weaponized it. It was how she had kept herself standing, pushing others away so that they wouldn’t have the chance to do so themselves. Still, she would never forget the regret that tinged their first interactions. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Cassian has allowed her entrance into an almost nightly ritual that seems to clear his head more than anything else. He seems so vulnerable in the dead of night, perched on the edge of his seat. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She knows he’s aware of her presence, just as he’s aware of everyone in the periphery, but he almost doesn’t seem it. He’s disconnected in a way, lost in whatever is in his mind. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She’s not privy to that information, and at this point, she doesn’t expect to be. The trust extended in the heat of the moment had been a burst of fire, that flame burned out, but in the ash, they were building something more. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Cassian’s vulnerability makes her feel vulnerable in turn, it is no secret what they are dancing around, not to her, not to anyone around them if looks in the mess are anything to go by. The only person Jyn can’t be quite sure has caught on is Cassian himself. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>It scared her. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Jyn didn’t often find herself scared. Not of prisons (she’d done that), not of stormtroopers or their blasters trained on her (not new either), not of most things where the Empire or even independent mercenaries were concerned. She had faith in her abilities, and were they to fail, as Saw had so often said, that meant her chances had been spent. There were worse ways to go. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Of course, when it came to interpersonal relationships that all changed. Jyn was used to pushing people away. But here, in the sloping halls of the base with a man who only a few months prior she would have never spared a passing glance</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Cassian isn’t sure when he found himself knocking on Jyn Erso’s door at 0200 standard hours. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Jyn had joined him of her own accord at first, and privately, Cassian wondered what it was about her past that kept her awake. Beyond the intelligence gathered in a too-thin file, he knew so little about the woman he had been prepared to die with. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>He appreciated that she knew the value of silence. Even so, these nights often felt more intimate than any conversations they could have had. Words couldn’t compare to the knowledge of sitting with suspended thought. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Cassian wasn’t sure where the two of them stood. K-2, though the droid hurt to think of, had called Jyn continually unexpected. She had continued that trend by staying. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Mon Mothma had kept up her end of the original bargain. A trip to any nearby planet, a loaded blaster, and the Alliance would leave her as long as she did not interfere with their directives. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>As an intelligence operative, Captain Andor thought it was a risky move. Erso was a loose cannon, her motives still unclear in the days following the Scarif mission. The glimpse he had gotten, both of her echoed words in the control room, and more importantly, on the shuttle to Scarif wasn’t enough. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>As a man, Cassian wanted her to stay. She was the woman who had spit vitriol in his face after a decision that had not been his to make, and Cassian wouldn’t, <i>couldn’t<i> forget that. Jyn was also the woman who had lit a fire once more. She was the woman who had offered an embrace as they lay on that beach to die and he couldn’t forget that either. He didn’t necessarily trust her, but oh how he wanted to. </i></i></i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn Erso was painfully human. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>And so, somewhere between the Scarif beach, long hours of debriefing, and mess hall gatherings, Cassian found a hand raised to Jyn Erso’s door. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn had yet to fail to answer, and on one hand, it always sent a wave of relief through him, on the other he regretted that her sleep seemed as plagued, as haunted as his. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian didn’t know whether he trusted her with his thoughts, but he trusted her to watch his back on the rare occasion when he got too lost in them. That was almost as good. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian knew Jyn watched him, those discerning eyes were hard to miss, even when he couldn’t see them. What she was looking for, he couldn’t say, but something in him hoped she found it.</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn didn’t know when they had drifted closer, but strangely the uncomfortable prickling sensation that had always accompanied vulnerability was as far as her childhood innocence. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>She found that it didn’t bother her, where only a year ago she would have bristled at the idea of someone else’s touch. The idea of opening herself up to the dependence others brought. Now, here, Cassian’s hand settling over hers felt natural. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Like binary stars, it seemed inevitable that they would come together. And at the same time, it was completely out of line that they had. Neither one of them was the type to consider this. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>They hadn’t yet dared to broach the subject, each one waiting for the other to begin the conversation. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>It was a dance of sorts, a push to see how far they could go before being forced to confront the growing chasm between them. It was ironic, the thing that would draw them ever closer was also the exact thing blocking them.</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Time passed and the silence of those late-night vigils faded. Rather than lost souls wandering the base, they became a team, often holing up in one of their quarters. The more of his life Cassian shared with Jyn the more he realized he wanted her to know. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>The prospect was terrifying but somehow all the more attractive for being so. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>There was scarcely a topic the two of them couldn’t broach although they were far from agreeing on everything. Scarcely a topic that was, excepting their pasts, and their futures. One couldn’t be more separate, the other couldn’t be more intertwined. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn was his partner, he just hoped that she understood that when he said that, he meant it in every sense of the word. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Casual touch had become more common. At first, awkward and stilted, both having gone so long without it. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>It had become more commonplace than it had been since he had left Fest. Since his mother had died, the final remnant of home. Jyn had pushed her way into his life and his space. Cassian offered no resistance. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>A hand over his, shoulders pressed together, her head falling to his shoulder as Jyn shared the mundanities of life. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>It struck him then, in the post-mission haze of exhaustion with her head on his shoulder, absorbing the minute details of a story that he wanted. Wanted in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to consider for years. In a way, he still shouldn’t have allowed himself to consider it. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>They were still in the middle of a war with no end in sight. This was a vulnerability, a liability. It could do nothing but hurt when it inevitably ended. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Even with that firmly cemented in both of their minds, they drew ever closer. Given that, Cassian shouldn’t have been as shocked by their first kiss as he was. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>There were no grand confessions, no fanfare, and certainly no public declarations of love. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>None of that would have fit them. Cassian and Jyn both had spent so long avoiding anyone’s gaze, anyone’s touch. Being known meant connections, and connections brought pain. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>They weren’t the type for the larger than life gestures or even the sappy eyes across the hangar bay that Dameron shot whenever Shara was so much as in the vicinity. Instead, it was a bare extension of what they were. What they had been building towards. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>That night Jyn sat, bracketed between Cassian and the wall, half-asleep, half-listening to Cassian’s even breath. If that wasn’t a show of trust, he didn’t know what was. Still, Jyn sat facing the door, and her baton was never out of reach. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>These were things that would never change, just as Cassian would never enter a room without scanning it for potential threats. Just as he would never speak freely until he had thoroughly checked a room for bugs. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Here, in this room that is as secure as one gets in the galaxy these days, he can afford to examine that behavior. He gets a bit too introspective at times, a habit that is borne of the long solitary days, dark nights spent staring at the world through the lens of a rifle. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian goes to sit up, loath to shift her from the seemingly comfortable position she’s taken against his shoulder, but the by now familiar aches have begun to set in. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Between the rest of the team that has pushed their way through the doors that had begun to open, Cassian has learned to listen to his needs more. Their nights always end before one or the other can say anything more. It seems that it is time for him to return to his quarters. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn sits up fully, catching his cheek as he makes to stand. “Cassian,” she murmurs, exhaustion filling her voice. Cassian is still under her fingers, the thrum of electricity that seeps into the air keeps him in place. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian couldn’t have moved unless there was an immediate threat, something that would jar him from this spell. It felt as if hours had passed as Jyn leaned in. Her lips were chapped, but warm as they pressed against him. “Stay?” she asks as she pulls away. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian knows that if he agrees, if he gives any affirmative, he is not only agreeing to stay now. It would be an agreement to move forward, to accept the tide of her breathing as his own. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn is acting as if it had been nothing, but it is bravado, he can see it in her eyes. They are tinged with vulnerability as if she was waiting for him to be one more to push her away. It would sting, but for what he had come to know about Jyn Erso in the last year. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Despite the fact that he is a sure thing, it is still a bold move. Jyn, usually two parts brash without a hint of hesitation is now searching his eyes. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>They feed off of each other, have since the first day under the Jedha sun, the only thing that remains of that day save the people. Where there had been an initial spark, a year of playing off of one another’s moves has given them an intuition. Jyn’s boldness inspires the same from him where she, luckily enough, had latched onto some of his care. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Now, Cassian feeds off of her energy. Her hand has yet to drop from his face and he covers it with one of his. He leans in for a kiss of his own and Jyn stills for the barest of moments before relaxing into it. It was as if she hadn’t recognized what he was aiming for even though she did it first. Even though he had telegraphed every movement. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>This kiss lingers, where the other had been the bare dip of a toe in the water. Cassian’s hand curls around the base of Jyn’s neck and when he pulls away her eyes are bright. He knows then, that even with the war raging around them, he has made the right decision. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Others may say they took too long, that they have missed out on precious months of this, but Cassian is patient. He would not have traded the months he’s spent learning Jyn Erso, learning to trust, and learning to open up once more for the hurried rush of passion that could soon fade. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>If it was going to happen at any moment it should not be forced. Cassian was good at waiting. Good at denying himself as well. Sometimes he wasn’t sure where the line was. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian was shaken from his reverie by Jyn’s voice, equal parts amusement and concern coloring her tone. “Where’d you get to now?”</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian turns to face her once more, uncertain as to when he had turned away, or even how long he’d been lost in thought. He was lapsing more often, and that was dangerous. But it was a thought for another night. Jyn didn’t question the dazes he sometimes found himself in, but this wasn’t like those shows of trust. </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Cassian gave her a reassuring half-smile “I’m right here. Just thinking,” he said.</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>Jyn squeezed his hand twice in quick succession, their language for <i>I’m right here<i> echoed back at him. She felt the flood of relief that always accompanied the gesture when he returned it watching as his eyes grew more focused. As he returned to her. </i></i></i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>
            <i>
              <i>“You still didn’t answer my question,” she points out. Though, she wasn’t even certain he’d heard her what with the blood surging in her ears at that moment. </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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    <i>
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        <i>
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            <i>
              <i>Jyn hadn’t quite meant to kiss him, though she hadn’t meant <i>not<i> to. He had been turning to go as they always did, and suddenly it had felt incredibly wrong. Wrong to watch his back to her. </i></i></i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
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    </i>
  </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>She had caught his cheek to stop him from leaving, though there were a thousand more effective ways and she knew them all. In the same breath, she had found herself kissing him. Now, she was waiting to see what the fallout from this impulse would be.</i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>Cassian didn’t quite smile with his mouth, though his eyes told a different and enchanting story. Jyn knew him well enough by now to read the minute differences in tension, though she was still learning more every day. It was something she wouldn’t tire of, mapping the uncharted waters of Cassian Andor’s soul. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>“Didn’t I?” he asks, quirking a brow at their still joined hands. He squeezes her hand twice and it hits her that he had. In every way that mattered. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>Cassian still looked exhausted, and Jyn was reminded of the circumstances under which she’d originally kissed him. “You did,” she replies, a slight smile settling on her lips as she got comfortable against him once more. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
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            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>There will be much to say in the morning when alert minds can pore over the memories once more. But it has waited this long, and it can wait until then. For two people who don’t much enjoy talking she and Cassian have traversed much worse subjects. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
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            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>Jyn shifts and Cassian tenses under her. Is he having second thoughts? Has she overstepped? Is it-</i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>The worry must be plain on her face, or else he has learned to read her like no other. Likely both. Cassian lifts a hand to placate her but doesn’t say anything, his face contorting into a look of pain. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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    <i>
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            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>The pieces fall into place even before he speaks up, and images of Cassian falling fill her mind. Falling down the citadel tower, hitting first the bar before landing on the platform below, limp. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>“My back,” he bites out as his unmoving form swims in her mind’s eye. “It still- You know it does this sometimes,” he continues. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
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    </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>She does know, she’s seen him in worse pain than this, and even more stoic through every moment. She remembers sitting at his side in the medbay before he’d woken. When she’d felt more lost than she had in years. She was gone before he woke up, but it had been the beginning of a long road. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
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        </i>
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    </i>
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            <i>
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                <i>
                  <i>Before she can say anything more, Cassian, ever the martyr, speaks up. “I can go, I’ll keep you up,” he says, moving to go once more. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>Jyn shakes her head. They’ve had their fair share of shaky starts, but maybe that’s what makes their foundations so solid; they’ve already been tested. Whatever it means, she does not regret them. Sending him away, now that would be something she’d regret. “You’ve kept me up before,” she murmurs. And maybe that was the wrong thing to say, judging by the flash of hurt and guilt in Cassian’s eyes. </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
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    </i>
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                <i>
                  <i>“You didn’t have to come. All those times,” he trails off, the words tentative, uncertain, and so unlike him. Cassian still, even now, doesn’t understand just how much she had <i>needed<i> it, especially in those early days. </i></i></i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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            <i>
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                <i>
                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>“You know I did, Cassian.”</i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>It isn’t easy to admit, especially with the turns her life had taken, that she had needed this. Cassian’s eyes search hers for a moment, and no matter how much she wants to look away, Jyn refuses to give in to that brand of cowardice. </i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>
            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>Apparently, he finds what he is looking for because the tension bleeds out of him then. “I know you did.”</i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>
            <i>
              <i>
                <i>
                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>It isn’t just an agreement, but also an acknowledgment. He sees her. He has since the beginning when she hadn’t seen herself nearly as clear. </i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
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        </i>
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    </i>
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                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>Jyn nods and squeezes his hand again, a different rhythm this time. All is well. Not one they get a chance to use often, but one of her favorites all the same. They lapse into silence, far from uncomfortable, it wraps around them like a blanket.</i>
                    </i>
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      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
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      <i>
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                  <i>
                    <i>
                      <i>
                        <i>All is well<i>. And for once, Cassian can’t find it in himself to argue the point. His back is aching something terrible, they are sitting against blank walls of a Rebellion base on a too-small bed, all around the galaxy wars are being waged. And yet for this one moment, within these walls, all is well. </i></i>
                      </i>
                    </i>
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                        <i>
                          <i>He shifts uncomfortably once more, though his mind is, for once, at ease, it is his body that has turned traitor. He swallows hard around the memories that always accompany this pain</i>
                        </i>
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                        <i>
                          <i>Sometimes, when he was most unmoored, Cassian wonders why he didn’t die on the Scarif beach. It would have been a poetic ending if nothing else, after coming into the world on a frozen tundra. Hadn’t he done enough?</i>
                        </i>
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                        <i>
                          <i>But then he thinks of what he would have missed out on and marvels at the fact that he survived beyond the odds. According to just about any statistical analysis, Cassian should be dead too many times over. Now that he wasn’t dead, he had a reignited determination to <i>live<i>. </i></i></i>
                        </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>That’s what this would be considered, he mused. </i>
                            </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>As he attempts to find a more comfortable position, Cassian looks over just in time to catch the myriad of emotions flitting over Jyn’s face, not the least of which is guilt. Guilt, which is so unlike Jyn Erso, unapologetic in all other areas. He has seen this on only a few other occasions. </i>
                            </i>
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                              <i>Cassian shakes his head, reaching out for Jyn’s hand once more. “It isn’t your fault,” he says firmly. And it wasn’t, he had chosen to go to Scarif, would choose the same a million times over no matter the toll it took on him. </i>
                            </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>Jyn quirks an eyebrow but allows him to take her hand again. “I know that Cassian. I’m not the one who shot you. I just—” she cuts herself off, swallowing hard as color rises on her cheeks. “I don’t like seeing you in pain,” she finishes. Cassian can tell there was something more, but for now, he is content without pushing. </i>
                            </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>Seeing her like this, Cassian wants to kiss her again. It’s as if their first kiss brought a dam crashing down and any thoughts of going back to how they were before are dashed. Tonight, he wants to kiss her, and so he does, in a way. “It’s not-” he murmurs, still holding her hand captive. </i>
                            </i>
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                          <i>
                            <i>
                              <i>Jyn lets out a small breath as his lips brush her knuckles in what can barely be called a kiss. It is an unconscious thing, but seeing Jyn experience something novel is an entrancing experience. Cassian has been present for a few firsts, both good and bad, but this is the first time he has the chance to sit back and truly experience it.</i>
                            </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Jyn says, her mouth curving into another smile. </i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
                        </i>
                      </i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
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<p>
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                            <i>
                              <i>Cassian can’t say he hadn’t thought about it, especially after the night spent curled around one another as they waited out the storm raging around them. The storm had been fitting for the raging one in his mind that night. </i>
                            </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>In a way though, Cassian is grateful for her restraint. The idea that he deserved more than he had allowed himself previously was difficult to come around to, but the crew had helped make that clear. “Now worked for us, no?” he says, settling their hands over his chest. He is loath to let go, and she has given no indication of wanting to either. </i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
                        </i>
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                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
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        </i>
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<p>
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                          <i>
                            <i>
                              <i>“Yes, I think now works for us just fine,” Jyn replies. Cassian thinks this might just be the longest he has ever seen Jyn smile in private. </i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
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                          <i>
                            <i>
                              <i>It was a nice change of pace, though he values the trust she had granted him, seeing this lighter side of her is a privilege. Jyn was an equal, someone who understood when he spoke of the burdens hanging like the sword of Damocles over his head. </i>
                            </i>
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                          <i>
                            <i>
                              <i>When Jyn had decided the Rebellion was her cause to champion as well, she had taken it on with fervor. It was almost as if she was making up for years of indecision, where her past had not allowed her to engage. </i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
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                      </i>
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                </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>Jyn might not have shared his same history, but this war had not spared her either. </i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
                        </i>
                      </i>
                    </i>
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                </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>“You know,” Cassian begins, glancing towards the door, “they’re going to be insufferable about this.”</i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
                        </i>
                      </i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
                </i>
              </i>
            </i>
          </i>
        </i>
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<p>
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                          <i>
                            <i>
                              <i>“Let them. I haven’t cared about what anyone thinks up until now. I’m not about to begin over this.”</i>
                            </i>
                          </i>
                        </i>
                      </i>
                    </i>
                  </i>
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                            <i>
                              <i>Cassian was right of course- with something so long anticipated there would be no way to stop the commentary, especially from those they considered friends, but then again, Cassian had a feeling that with Jyn by his side they could say all they liked. </i>
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                              <i>Shaky starts give way to more solid foundations. They’ve already been tried by some of the worst this galaxy has to give, speaking on the matter is the hardest part, the rest they will deal with as it comes. </i>
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                              <i>With Jyn as his partner in every way possible Cassian is emboldened. Tomorrow would bring all-new challenges, but for now, they were both content to exchange languid kisses before falling to sleep in each other’s arms. A piece of the puzzle has finally clicked into place.</i>
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                              <i>Elsewhere on base, though he doesn’t know it yet, Bodhi Rook has come into a great deal of credits.</i>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For you two because you're the reason this is finished at all &lt;3 I hope you enjoy it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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